What will be your answer when someone asks you if childbirth was the toughest part of being pregnant? I tell them, childbirth was the easiest, post-partum was the toughest for me.

My Childbirth Journey

I am not being smart, and trust me my childbirth experience was no fun game. I had early labour for 3-4 days, went into the hospital where the contractions/surges came at 1 min apart, but I was not dilated.

My wish was to go all natural, but there were so many interventions. My water was broken and then I was given synthetic oxytocin, I was advised to take epidural as it will intensify the contractions/surges. I took the epidural, but it did not work on my right side, so I was able to feel all the effects of synthetic oxytocin and the surges on my right side. They gave me another dose of epidural, still no luck, I was able to feel everything on my right limb. I was also able to feel the episiotomy and stitching of my episiotomy (I asked my midwife to give me local anaesthesia so that I won’t feel the stitches). All this and I still say that my childbirth was the easiest.

My childbirth experience lasted for 13 hours but post-partum is longer and it’s never ending.

Eastern World philosophy

I am from the Eastern part of the world where grandparents are heavily involved in the early years of the baby. Mothers literally just rest and feed the baby while everything is done by someone else like cooking, cleaning, walking, or rocking the baby. This helps the mother to recover and not have baby blues but at the same time connect with herself and the baby.

Modern Busy Life

Unfortunately, in the modern Western world this is not available as we all have busy lives, and we don’t live near our families anymore, so mums don’t get the support that they need to raise the baby. Mostly, it’s just the Mum and Dad raising the baby, and Dads have very few days of paternal leave.

Some countries are doing well in that area like in Austria where mums get two years of paid maternity leave. Some companies also give 3 months of paternity leave.

My post-partum experience

My parents stayed with me for the first 9 weeks of post-partum and it was a great experience. They cooked, cleaned and rocked my baby when I was tired to do so. I got the opportunity to shower everyday or just nap during day time as I would be up with my baby at night.

When my parents left, hell broke upon me and I suffered from postpartum depression. My husband would go to work and I would be home alone with a tiny baby, and I would be scared to put my baby down and go to the loo in case something would happen to him in my absence. I would not let anyone help me too.

We moved houses when my baby was just two and half months old and it was stressful. My in-laws helped us a lot through the process, but all these were big changes that happened at the same time. I loved my apartment where I used to live, I was housebound and all alone. I missed going to work and using my intellectual side. I enjoyed working and this was the first time I was home alone with a baby. I would not feel like cooking so we will order food all the time and I started gaining weight post-partum. I was unhappy, would always cry and to be honest winter times did not help. I was just dragging myself through days and nights.

Seek Help

• My parents in law would visit me a couple of times in a week and help around; like they would bring the bins out, mow my garden and clean the house.
• My husband started to work from home for a couple of days a week.
• Instead of getting takeaways all the time, I asked a friend to cook for me so that it will be healthy, and I paid her.
• I hired a cleaner to come once in every two weeks.
• I hired a part-time nanny so that she can play with my baby while I can cook or take shower.

These all affected my savings, but I had to prioritise my well-being over money and, of course, my husband was working, and we were able to pay our bills with that (Thank God for that).

• I started to push myself to go out and about with the baby, go for walks with fellow mums, meet other people and invite people over for cup of tea/playdates.
• I started taking supplements like Vitamin D and multi vitamins as per my Doctor’s advice as sometimes if some vitamins or minerals are low in your body that adds to your feelings too as you have less energy.

Finally, when my baby was a year old, I started to feel better again. My parents came back to stay with us for few weeks to celebrate my baba’s birthday and we went for a vacation. Life was getting better, and I was feeling better. Having the help makes you less stressed and burdened.

I always wanted kids and wanted to bring them up in a gentle parenting style. I thought it would be easy as all my friends back home had kids and they were happy. What I forgot to notice was that they all had a great support system, so they were all happy with the experience of motherhood.

For me, the ideal situation would have been a house living next door to my parents or living with me. I would have hired a full-time nanny so that my parents who are retired can play with the grandkid and have nanny to help them with daily activities. I could have returned to work without guilt and all would be well.

The reality is far from it, I live in Ireland where having this kind of support system for a new mother is expensive and not all can afford it. We have to be realistic and make the best of the situation we have.

Insist on support system

You need to push for things that you need to make you feel better and be able to move forward. We do not need to bounce back but move forward.

It is essential to have a good support system to help the new mam for their physical, mental and spiritual health. Let’s see what we can do to help ourselves as a new mam and fellow mammies.

The video below is really going to make you rethink about the postpartum care (you need to take care of yourself to help you recover and move forward), just ignore the line that American mothers deserve better care but it should be ‘every mother deserves better care’: